Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
