btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
