u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
