NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's never too late to be topless.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
