This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
