Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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