youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
