is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
