Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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