It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize