She said her name was "party"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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