there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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