if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize