I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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