I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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