My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
