I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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