YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
