This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
