no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
