I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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