You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
