How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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