so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
