he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize