So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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