My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
