I think I died a long time ago.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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