don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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