did you get engaged???
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
