Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
