I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She bit a glass in half.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
