You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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