i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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