the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
