when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
