He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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