Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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