i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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