Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
