If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
