Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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