i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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