i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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