Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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