I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
