we made out on top of his cat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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