So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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