Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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