just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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