Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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