That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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