I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
