I hate all girls vehemently.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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