so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
